Sunday, July 24, 2011

The Most Awkward Pick-Up of All Time (at least in my opinion)

Rather than explain it completely I’ll give you some background and then dialogue it out.

Whenever I go to work at the restaurant I try to eat as much as I can before my shift so I won’t eat there. So on this particular day I had some string cheese and began to eat it on the subway platform…

Cheezy Sir: Wow, I haven’t seen string cheese in forever.

Martha: Yeah, you can get it at Costco.

Cheezy: There’s a Costco in Manhattan?

Martha: Yeah, on the East side, past 1st Ave around 117th.

Cheezy: Look at that! You’re teaching me something new!

Martha: That’s cool.

Cheezy: I haven’t seen string cheese since the 80’s.

Martha: I mean, I don’t think it ever went out of style. Kids eat it all the time.

Cheezy: Well I haven’t seen a kid in like 15 years.

Martha: hmmm.

Cheezy: So where are you going?

Martha: To work. And actually…

Cheezy: This is your train?

Martha: Yeah.

Cheezy: Well, I think you are adorable. Like so adorable. Is there anyway I could get your number?

Martha: Actually I don’t have a card or anything, sorry!

I safely got on the train and it's slow departure was surely to torture me. Ugh.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

More words from the D

Poor Olivia. Always dealing with the crazies.

"Baby, are you a body builder?"

And my personal favorite, shout-out to the Rents for this one!

"I just wanna let you know, you a very pretty girl. But I guess that's your momma and daddy's work isn't it? You tell them from me- they done gooood work."


Our Youth Today

My friend, Krystal, from work is a hottie. So much so that a 12 year old boy said "Damn girl! I wanna muscle-brain you!"

What in god's name do they teach in New York public schools?

Back in Action!

Sorry for the delay between posts. I was working my ass off in preparation for a vacation to Chicago where I dealt with much more subtle "pick-up" lines in the form of gaping stares. Awesome. But here's a line I got right before leaving for vacation and another that I experienced today.

Man: Hey shorty, you got a nice body. Can I go with you?

Me: Gotta go to work!

Man: That's alright! I'll go witchu!

"You are gorgeous, no disrespect."

Followed by something about my ass...